Abbey and Evan

Welcome to the March 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting With Special Needs
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how we parent despite and because of challenges thrown our way. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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"Evan don't do that! Stop it! No-  Stop it Evan!"

"Abbey, honey, Evan can't hear you."

So then she screamed: "STOP IT EVAN! DO YOU HEAR ME NOW!?"

I have got to find a better way to explain to my preschool aged daughter that her 6 year old neighbor, who is both deaf and autistic, really truly cannot hear her at all. Because the screaming is not going to cut it.

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Evan's mom, a good friend of mine (and my backyard neighbor) had a great laugh about the "Evan can't hear you" episode, but I do find myself a little concerned about my inability to explain to Abbey that Evan can't hear at all. It's Abbey's reality that everyone hears. . . and I think it's going to take a while (and a better explanation on my part) to get her to accept that she won't be able to communicate with him in her usual and favorite way - with her voice.

Sweet Evan is also autistic, which presents an even bigger challenge for Abbey to overcome when having dinner or a get-together at Evans house - which happens often since Marie, Evan's mom, and I are good friends, backyard neighbors, and Co-Ombudsmen for the Coast Guard Cutter to which both of our husbands (also friends) are attached.

Living And Learning

I should probably do more learning on my part about how to approach and interact with autistic children, since I see Evan on such a regular basis, but Marie has been so helpful in demonstrating and modeling the appropriate ways to communicate and interact with him, that I haven't felt the need. You can visit her Autism Awareness Facebook page at Evan Almighty - Autism Awareness for more information on their particular story and journey.

Marie has a lot on her plate parenting Evan and her sweet 11 year old daughter who is quickly blossoming into a beautiful young lady (and making Marie and me giggle with all of her preteen giddy-ness and goofy-ness)! When our husbands are underway, we spend even more time together than when they are in homeport - mainly because we want the adult company, but also because the kids play well together.  

The fact that Evan doesn't have hearing doesn't really affect our interactions much - it just changes them. The way that I interact with him is mostly by gesture, and with Abbey, it ends up being mostly touch-based and rather physical. 

Play and Interaction

Evan loves Abbey and thinks Joseph is just the cutest, and for the most part, all of the children interact quite normally. Evan actually appreciates Abbey's physicality and love for loud and physical play like jumping, dancing, goofing around and pretending. A few weeks ago, Evan, Abbey, and two other playmates ran around Marie's house, playing some sort of pretend play game for an hour straight, happy, joyful, and completely entertained. Never once did they ask for adult intervention, and never did anyone get upset or over stimulated. 

For Evan, playing with Abbey is a blast - and when he needs space, he retreats and stops playing with her. Abbey, on the other hand, has some trouble playing with Evan at times because she can't use her words to speak to him, and because he will sometimes be a bit rough with his interaction, not intentionally, but just out of raw energy and enthusiasm. I try to explain to Abbey that the way he plays isn't far off from the way she plays. . . what with the overexcited energy and great eagerness. . . but she doesn't see my point.

"Evan is mean sometimes" she says. "Sometimes, I'm done playing with him!" 

For now, I have been reminding Abbey of her ability to step back and calmly leave a situation that makes her uncomfortable. If Evan is upsetting you, take a deep breath, and walk away. 

Abbey sees a lot of power in words, though, and I can tell that it's hard for her that he not only can't hear her, but may not understand or notice what she is trying to say anyway.

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Any suggestions on how to explain deafness to a preschooler?

Does anyone share my experience being close to an autistic child?

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 13 with all the carnival links.)

• Parenting A Child With Neutropenia — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses the challenge of parenting a young child who cannot produce enough neutrophils to fight off bacterial infections.
• How I Love My High Need Baby — Shannon at GrowingSlower was shocked to find she is parenting a high-needs baby, but she's surviving thanks to attachment parenting.
• We're a Lot Like You — kaidera at Our Little Acorn talks about how her family is similar to others, even with all their special needs
• The Emotional Components of Bonding with Preemies — Having a premature baby can bring on many unexpected emotions for parents, but working through those emotions can bring about a wonderful bonding experience. Adrienne at Natural Parents Network shares.
• Raising a babe with IUGR: from birth through the toddler years — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet shares the story of how her son’s post-birth IUGR diagnosis affected his first days of life and gave her an unexpected tutorial in advocating for their rights as a family.
• When a grandparent has a disability — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes shares how she has approached explaining her mother's disability to her young child.
• Taking The Time To Really See Our Children — Sam at Love Parenting writes about her experiences working with children with various disabilities and how it has affected her parenting style.
• Natural Parenting In An Unnatural Environment — Julie at What I Would Tell You gives us a glimpse into how she improvised to be a natural parent against all odds.
• Getting Through the NICU — Laura at Authentic Parenting gives a few pointers on how to deal with your newborn's stay in the NICU.
• Living With Sensory Processing Disorder — Christy at Adventures in Mommyhood talks about the challenges that can come from living with a child who has SPD.
• Our rules for NICU - March Carnival — Hannabert's Mom shares her family's rules for family and friends of a NICU baby.
• Letter from Mineral's Service Dog — Erika at Cinco de Mommy imagines the letter that accompanies her special needs son's Service Dog.
• Blessings in Unexpected Places — That Mama Gretchen welcomes an inspiring guest post from a dear friend who shares about the blessings that come from a child with Down syndrome.
• Tube Feeding with a Blenderized Diet of Whole Foods — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her experiences with using real food when feeding her daughter who was unable to feed herself and needed a feeding tube.
• Abbey and Evan — Amyables at Toddler In Tow writes about watching her preschooler play with her friend who is autistic and deaf, and wonders how she can explain his special needs better.
• How to Minimise the Chance of a {Genetically Prone} Child Being Diagnosed with ADHD — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares her tips on keeping a child who is genetically prone to ADHD from suffering the effects.
• Tough Decisions: Parenting With Special Needs — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares what has been keeping her up at night worrying, while spending her days discovering just what her options are for her precocious child.
• Life with my son — For Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum, life with an autistic child is just another variation on the parenting experience.
• Dear Special Needs Mama — Sylvia at MaMammalia writes a letter of encouragement to herself and other mamas of special needs children.
• His Voice — Laura at WaldenMommy relives the day her son said his first sentence.
• What is 'wrong' with you' The challenge of raising a spirited child — Tara at MUMmedia discusses the challenges of raising a child who is 'more' intense, stubborn, and strong willed than your average child.
• Tips for Parenting a Child With Special Medical Needs — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares her shortlist of tips she's learned in parenting a newborn with special medical needs in a guest post at Becoming Crunchy.
• Parenting the Perfectionist Child — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses that as parents of gifted children, we are in the unique position to help them develop the positive aspects of their perfectionism.
• Montessori-Inspired Special Needs Support — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives a list of websites and blogs with Montessori-inspired special-needs information and activities.
• Accommodating Others' Food Allergies — Ever wonder how to handle another family's food allergies or whether you should just skip the play date altogether? At Code Name: Mama, Dionna's friend Kellie (whose family has a host of allergies) shares how grateful she is when friends welcome them, as well as a list of easy snacks you can consider.
• Only make promises you can keep — Growing up the child of a parent with a chronic illness left a lasting impact on Laura of A Pug in the Kitchen and what she is willing to promise for the future.
• A Mom and Her Son — Jen at Our Muddy Boots was fortunate to work with a wonderful family for several summers, seeing the mother of this autistic son be his advocate, but not in the ways she thought.
• Guest Post from Maya at Musings of A Marfan Mom — Zoie at TouchstoneZ is honored to share a guest post from Maya, who writes about effective tools she has found as a parent of two very special boys.
• You Don't Have to Be a Rock — Rachael at The Variegated Life finds steadiness in allowing herself to cry.
• When Special Needs Looks "Normal" — Amy at Anktangle writes about her experience with mothering a son who has Sensory Processing Disorder. She offers some tips (for strangers, friends, and loved ones) on how to best support a family dealing with this particular neurological challenge.
• Special Needs: Limitation or Liberation? — Melissa of White Noise describes the beauty in children with special needs.
• How I Learned It'll Be Okay — Ashley at Domestic Chaos reflects on what she learned while nannying for a boy with verbal delays.
• Attachment Parenting and Depression — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses how attachment parenting has helped her get a clearer image of herself as a parent and of her depression.
• On invisible special needs & compassion — Lauren at Hobo Mama points out that even if we can't see a special need, it doesn't mean it's not there.
• Thoughts on Parenting Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares her approach to parenting twins.
• ABCs of Breastfeeding in the NICU — Jona at Breastfeeding Twins offers tips for establishing breastfeeding in the alphabet soup of the NICU.
• Life With Michael - A Mother's Experience of Life With Aspergers Disorder — At Diary of a First Child, Luschka's sister-in-law Nicky shares her experience as mother to a child on the Autism Spectrum. It is filled with a mother's love and devotion to her child as an individual, not a label.
• Raised by a Special Needs Mom — Momma Jorje shares what it was like growing up as the daughter of a mother with a handicap.
• Becoming a Special Needs Mom — Ellen at These Broken Vases shares about becoming the mother of a child with Down syndrome
• She Said It Was "Vital" — Alicia of Lactation Narration (and My Baby Sweets) discusses the conflict she felt when trying to decide whether therapy was necessary for her daughter.