The Spirited Sibling

This is the third post in a series, Understanding the Spirited Child, on Toddler In Tow. The series will explore the definition, inclusion, and direction of a spirited personality, and includes guest posts from several authors on high spirit in children from infancy to young adulthood. Please see the links at the bottom of the post to visit other posts in this series.

Today I am honored to be sharing my blog with Kym, who volunteers with me at Natural Parents Network and at writes at her personal blog, Our Crazy Corner of the World. Her perspective is fresh, natural, and faith-based, and I love reading what she has to say! We're also both military spouses, which adds an extra level of understanding and empathy to our relationship. She's guest posting today as a part of my series on Understanding The Spirited Child, writing about her experience as the sibling of a child blessed with high spirit. 

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The Spirited Sibling

Two weeks before my 2nd birthday, my little brother entered the world. Our mother had an unmedicated, natural birth with him. It was planned to be unmedicated but as she tells it, there wasn't time for anything because he came so fast. We are now 28 and 26 and my mom still says that my brother came into the world fast and furious, and hasn't changed since. 

I'm not sure the term "spirited child" was used much when my mom was raising us. But that is exactly what he was. Busy. Loud. Emotional, but not in the sense of being sensitive as much as it was if his emotions were turned up to full volume. All emotions, whether happy, sad, angry, etc, were expressed fully. He was stubborn. He was strong-willed. He was spirited. 

We weren't quite two years apart, so we shared a lot of the same things, we shared a room for the first five years of my life, we were homeschooled and had the same books, toys and friends in many cases. One thing we didn't share though was the spirited personality. I was spirited in my own way, free spirited. I just did my own thing, my mom says I didn't march to the beat of a different drum, but that I had the beat of an entirely different band. But I was extremely laid back. I didn't get in a hurry, I was sensitive but it took a lot to hurt my feelings, I was loud but not intense. My brother, in so many ways, was very opposite of myself.

Emotional Intensity

I remember the first time I felt truly overwhelmed by my brother's personality. We were young, maybe four and two, maybe even slightly younger. We were playing in our backyard on a swing set. We had one of those old A-frame metal swing sets that had two single swings and then a two-person attachment, with seats that faced each other. My brother and I liked to sit on the base with out feet hanging down. I was oblivious to the world, singing some song about flowers and trees that I made-up on the spot and I didn't notice my brother trying to get off the swing. I just kept going, even as he tried to step down. I ended up dragging him back and forth before my dad could step in and stop me. Instead of toddling off to be comforted by my mother, my brother screamed, grabbed a handful of my hair and shook my head as hard as he could. (We actually have the entire ordeal on video, and now, it's extremely amusing.) It was just a glimpse of things to come.

So the rest of our childhood was interesting, to say the least. My brother was not always mean or agressive, but he was often easily frustrated and his emotions would boil over. Simple things that shouldn't be a big deal were a huge production. When he played, he played big. Everything was an adventure, everything was exciting and bold and I mean everything.

Protect and Endure

As the older sibling, I felt a lot of responsibility for my brother, but also for his behavior, even though that responsibility was never entrusted to me. I just felt I NEEDED to watch him. I believe learning at a young age to keep a careful eye on what he was doing helped my develop a mothering personality very early. My mom helped me learn to focus on other things besides my spirited brother, who many times took over whatever was going on. I learned to express my feelings toward him through writing or physical play such as sports or active outdoor games. 

My parents were very attentive and did a great job of making sure I never felt neglected or left out due to all the attention my brother required. I was so loud and extroverted myself that getting attention wasn't an issue, but my parents never let it become an issue. They made sure there was plenty of time for each of us, regardless of our personalities. 

We are all grown up now, we are both married and both have families of our own. My brother is now very successful at his occupation, which is a high energy, high intensity, very physical job. 

I share this little glimpse of our lives together for several reasons. 

For Parents:

 Having a spirited child isn't just demanding on the parents, but it can also be very physically and emotionally demanding on a sibling as well. It's important to remember how a brother or sister is feeling, particularly if they have more of an introverted personality. It's also important to remember to give siblings tools to help them work through their emotions. As a younger child, I remember often being very frustrated and angry with my brother. Why could he not just calm down and sit down for five minutes? Could he not be quiet? Why was he so intense? I remember feeling a little bit scared of him at times and his energy was often impossible to match. My parents recognized these feelings in me, and helped me learn to deal with them, as well as helping me communicate with my brother.

For Siblings:

 Believe it or not...your brother or sister and their (what seems like to you) crazy personality will be something you look back on with fond memories. You'll laugh about it. You'll reminisce. And you will be very close to them. My brother is one of my closest friends. Due to his work schedule we do not get to spend much time together, so we talk on the phone when we can, e-mail when we can, and visits are a blast. He is still very intense, but easily one of the funniest people I know. He has learned to channel much of his intensity into humor and has the ability to make everyone laugh with his spot-on impressions and goofy stories and reenactments of daily life. I'm thankful I've gotten to know him better over the years.

For the Spirited One:

 I can't write from the perspective of being spirited, though I am in my own way. I believe everyone has spirit within them, but some show it fully, honestly and with so much power that it comes across as intense to others. There is nothing wrong with people who share their spirit with us all. Keep in mind that as you grow, you will learn how to help those around you, including your brothers and sisters, to understand you better. You will develop an amazing relationship with the brother you annoy. You will be best friends with the sister who doesn't want you in her room. You are family and you will learn to accept each other, and one day you'll be grown and remembering the fun times you had together. 

I look back on living with a spirited sibling fondly, even though I know it was hard at times. I can truthfully say I gained a lot of experience for dealing with various types of people in work, with friends, in relationships and who knows, maybe one day even dealing with my own spirited offspring. I'm thankful for my brother, and his personality. I love him very much.

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For more on The Spirited Child, check out the other articles in my Understanding The Spirited Child series: 


She's Got The Spirit: Accepting my Spirited Child by Amy Willa


Self-Care and The Spirited Child by Amy Willa

Kym is a 28 year old God-loving SAHM to a two-year-old boy, a patriotic military wife, and birth doula living deep in the heart of Texas, and his currently pregnant with baby number 2! Her passions lie in homemaking, natural birth, breastfeeding, gentle/natural parenting, cloth diapers, co-sleeping, and living a healthy lifestyle. When she’s not chasing her toddler (or being chased by him), she blogs about life at Our Crazy Corner of the World. In her spare time (ha!), she loves cooking, gardening, spending time with her husband at the shooting range or hiking, reading or watching Lord of the Rings (over and over), running and swimming.