Lemons.

Meditating on the dramatic and emotional things that have been happening around here lately makes me think of a lesson my father taught me when I was young - "Be careful - don't let anyone talk you into buying a lemon" . . . he's speaking, of course, about the informal definition of a "lemon":

a person or thing that proves to be defective,imperfect, or unsatisfactory; dud: His car turned out to be a lemon.

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Unfortunately, recently, I have found myself in a position where some of the relationships that I have forged and held dear here in Maine turned out to be "lemons". Defective relationships. . . definitely imperfect. . . and unsatisfactory in that they've caused me pain and heartache in the form of disrespect, betrayal, and just plain pettiness.

I've been struggling with the feelings that these "dud" relationships have stirred up in me. . . anger, sorrow, helplessness, confusion. . . 

I find myself wondering why, at not even 25 years old, I'm acting like more of an adult than people years and even decades older than I am. I mean, really. I feel like I'm in the movie Mean Girls. 

I'm wondering how I could have been so blind to the fact that the relationships were doomed to begin with. . . and I'm torn about what to do with these feelings.

I'm wondering why it's so hard to just let go of them. Be done with them. They're ugly. I don't like them. They cause me undue stress. And I want to release them. 

But then I'm afraid that if I release the bad feelings and continue on like nothing ever happened, that I'll be blind sighted by another betrayal that I might have seen coming, had I been watching out for it. 

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I took a good run today and purged all of the ugliest feelings (you know, like when you want to shake someone because you are just that angry!) and have a good think about the rest of them. . . and I've decided that I'm going to move forward from these ugly feelings. 

It's going to be work, keeping myself from falling into the trap of being ugly right back. . . or buying into the drama. But I'm not going to let the unfortunate happenings of the past couple of weeks poison my life or knock me off course. 

I'm going to persevere and be confident in my values, and love the husband who has my back forever, the little Silly Bears who are my pride and joy, and my goals and passions: 

. . . volunteer work through my Ombudsman role. . . education and IBCLC certification through my college courses (no matter how hard it is to be a student AND a mom!). . . fulfillment in my entrepreneurial goals and creative outlet of my Silly Bear Handmade shop. . . and most importantly, continuing to find JOY in mothering and in this crazy, wonderful journey I'm on.

I want to fix everything, or undo everything, but I know that that's impossible. 

The best I can do is be sure about my values, and release the nasty emotions that are causing me stress.  

I need my water to be clear so that I can go on doing what I do. . . mothering, studying, writing, helping, and creating. . . and loving those friends and family who are true and dear.

and maybe, just maybe, I can get a little better at spotting "lemons" in my life before they create trouble.

Any suggestions on meditations that help with releasing feelings and moving on from betrayal?

How do you cope with "lemons" in your life?