Friday Focus: Self Aware, Self Assured

The best thing I read on the internet this week was from Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess. She shared an anecdote from Jane Lynch (that's right - that's Glee's Jane Lynch) about learning that life's ups and downs, especially those ups and downs in other people's lives are not about you.

It reminded me of the fact that I am not responsible for the feelings of others as much as I think that I am, and I am not really as influential on people's experiences as I perceive to be. 

That's a GOOD thing for a perfectionist like me. . . because it allows me to see that when I make a mistake or have a bad day, it's not affecting others like I think. 

It opens me up to be authentic and less trivial. 

Reminds me to take the time to choose my actions carefully, 

but not to police my interactions or obsess over choices that I make 

Because way too often, I fall into the assumption that others comments, actions, and attitudes are somehow about me and something that I did. Those of you who are carpe diem or super-zen  probably don't know what I'm talking about - but I'm hoping that some of you do.

Police, But Don't Obsess

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We have to remember that while our actions do have an effect on the people around us, especially our families and our children. . . our actions and behaviors are not being scrupulously examined and evaluated  by everyone we meet. Police your actions, but don't obsess. It's not necessary, and not healthy.

The lady that witnessed you snapping at your husband when he made a snide remark the other day does not think you're a bitch. Believe me, she probably stopped thinking about it a millisecond after she heard you. The clerk at your child's preschool doesn't notice what you're wearing when you drop of your baby girl - so seriously, stop apologizing that you're in your sweats and haven't done your hair in weeks. And for God's sake, please stop obsessing over the idea that the new neighbor you met recently thinks that you're some kind of self-absorbed dork because you mentioned your blog in a casual interaction. Same goes for the mom at your child's movement class that you told about it. They probably like you, since they say "hi" to you all the time, and as soon as you're done socializing for the morning, you're not even on their mental priority list, so forget about how you think you sounded, and fill your mind with more productive lines of thought - ok, lady?

Whoops. . . I guess those were reminders for me. 

But I'm sure you know what I mean. 

Allow Yourself Self-confidence

In order to be self aware, we have to allow ourselves to be self-confident. Find the ordinary courage that helps you to be your best, and not to dwell on your imperfections.

It goes along the lines of "before you can fully love another, you must fully love yourself"

If we're constantly worried about how we're being perceived, we can't take in the perceptions and experiences that form us in a good way - and we'll stunt our emotional growth and our daily productivity.

So, today, have confidence in yourself. You're doing whatever you do with all of yourself, and whatever your plate is, you're handling it with grace - even if you do sometimes feel like you're a big ol' mess.

Those that you run into throughout your day have their own lives to worry about and are incredibly unlikely to be thinking a negative thought about you.

It's not your fault. . .

. . . yes, you are doing a great job. . .

. . . and no, no one thinks you're silly, frazzled, or anything else. . . 

. . . because they're too worried about themselves to care about your mis-steps and misperceptions.

So, go forth and DO. Self assured. Aware of your actions, but confident in your worth. 


And please do remind me to do the same!

YOU are enough, and thankfully. . . it's not all about you.

Some Great Articles on Self-Awareness, Self-Confidence, and Balance

Walking the Tightrope: Thoughts on Vulnerability and Hurt by Brene' Brown

Finding Balance Amongst the Chaos of Life by Adrienne of Mommying My Way