Reflections of a Spirited Childhood -Part Two

This is the fourth post in a series, Understanding the Spirited Child, on Toddler In Tow. The series will explore the definition, inclusion, and direction of a spirited personality, and includes guest posts from several authors on high spirit in children from infancy to young adulthood. Please see the links at the bottom of the post to visit other posts in this series.

I am happy today to share my corner of the internet with fellow natural parenting mom Jennifer, author  of Hybrid Rasta Mama and the dedicated Volunteer Recognition Manager for Natural Parents Network. Jennifer is mom to one beautiful, spirited little girl, and the author of the fabulous E-Book, Coconut Oil For Your Skin and the blog, Hybrid Rasta Mama. Jennifer is passionate about cloth diapering, attachment parenting, and green living. Today, she's sharing part two of her experience as a spirited child and delineating the powerful parenting that her parents used to guide her through the high level Adaptability, Brightness,  Control, and and Empathic Ability unique to her experience.

_ _ _ 

• Adaptibility.  As a spirited child I did not transition/shift from one activity to another easily.  When I was engaged in something, it was with every ounce of my focus and energy.  Pulling me away would result in some big emotions OR I would simply give up on the entire project.  Keeping a regular rhythm and routine was key to ensuring that I knew how much time I had for a certain activity or project and that I would transition away with ease.  Having a SAHM made this doable and she did a wonderful job crafting a predictable flow to our day.  She made sure that I had a natural schedule for eating and sleeping as well as play, outdoor time, and downtime. 

Photo Credit

I was extraordinarily fearful as a child.  I did NOT like new situations, I loathed change, and I worried over just about everything.  I was scared of our house catching on fire because the light switch wasn’t completely in the “on” position.  (Irrational fear, I know).  I was always worried about being poisoned, drowning, getting kidnapped, getting robbed, our car breaking down,  our boat breaking down, running out of gas, and the list goes on.  For the record, all of these fears came from a real experience.  I just took them all a huge step further and became obsessed with praying for protection, checking door locks, light switches, asking again and again if we had enough gas and if our car was in working order, etc… 

Some parents would have come apart at the seams with this.  My parents held the space for me to work through my fears in the manner in which I needed to.  Occasionally they did get exasperated, especially when bedtime took repeated trips to check locks, windows, the oven, etc…  For the most part, they did their best to reassure me that I was safe but that it was ok to be unsure.  They tried to make me feel like they were in control and would protect me but I wasn’t convinced. 

• Brightness.  I was a very intelligent child who found school to be very easy.  I loved extra credit work, special projects, researching, and learning in general.  I read constantly and quickly.  I had a mind like a steal trap.  I retained all kinds of information.  But with that came the need to do everything myself without assistance or instruction.  I liked to figure things out, even if I figured incorrectly.  I then hated being corrected (see Sensitivity above).  

My dad had a hard time stepping back and letting me figure things out.  That is just how he is.  When I did need occasional assistance with school work, my mom would actually lock herself in the bedroom because my dad and I would start arguing with each other rather intensely.  I had no patience to listen to him explain things, especially since he would go off on tangents.  

My dad thought I was being obstinate when in fact my ego was taking a beating from having to ask for help.  This could have run a lot smoother but my dad was who he was and he wasn’t changing his approach.  When my mom had to help me she almost walked on egg shells about the whole thing.  She would more or less supervise and then gently insert a subtle suggestion, step back, wait to see if I would react poorly, then go from there.  My poor parents!

• Controlling/Type A/OCD.  My parents used to refer to me as the “tour director.”  I had a great need to be in charge of all decision making both at home and in our travels.  Vacations were not about family.  They were about me scheduling out what we would do and when we would do it.  I wasn’t bossy.  I just HAD to know that I was in control when I was in a new situation or location (see adaptability/fearful above).  It was how I coped being out of my comfort zone. 

Surprising me was never good.  My parents did do this once time for a trip to Disneyland and I recall it went ok but I was a nervous nelly the entire time and once I figured out where we were going each day I would map out what we were going to do. 

My parents surprisingly just let me run with being a tour director.  They knew that if we were going to have any fun and enjoy our time away from home that they just needed to go along for the ride.  Certainly there were decisions that rested with them, but my parents always prepared me for those ahead of time and made sure to include me as best they could. 

After any vacation or even family visits with relatives, my immune system would collapse.  The stress of it all would just wreak havoc on my little body.  I know my mom never looked forward to the “recovery time” after travel.  But she knew to expect it and nursed me back to physical and mental health.  A few days back in my own environment and I was good as new. 

• Empathic ability.  I was so in tune with the people and the world around me that it was scary.  Not only did I just “know things” but I could read emotions, thoughts, and deception with such accuracy that there was no point in ever trying to sugar coat anything for me.  I often times kept my awareness to myself but that led to moodiness and frustration as I tried to make sense of it all.  I really do not think my parents understood this quality much.  My paternal grandmother had some very special abilities which my parents did not fully embrace.  I think they saw a lot of her in me and it scared them a little.  I wouldn’t say they really supported, encouraged, or discouraged this side of me.  They just sort of left it alone. 

_ _ _ 

I was a spirited child.  I am now a spirited adult.  I manage my “spirit” a lot better now and if you didn’t know me well, you would just think that I was incredibly driven, a bit controlling, focused, intelligent, and intuitive.  You would figure out quickly that I have trouble with change and that I do not take criticism well.  But I’m not that much different than the average person.  Except for the fact that I am now blessed with my own spirited child.  Put two spirits together and whoa!  Big fun!  But that is a post unto itself.

_ _ _ 

To read more about the Spirited Child, check out the other posts in the Understanding the Spirited Child Series:

She's Got The Spirit: Accepting my Spirited Child by Amy Willa

Self-Care and The Spirited Child by Amy Willa

The Spirited Sibling by Kymberlee Graves

Reflections of a Spirited Childhood - Part One by Jennifer Saleem

Jennifer is a former government recruiter turned stay-at-home mama to a precious daughter (Aaliyah) brought earthside in March 2009. She is passionate about breastfeeding (especially extended breastfeeding), co-sleeping, attachment parenting, cloth diapering, green living, babywearing, peaceful parenting, a Waldorf approach to education and parenting, playful parenting, getting children outside, as well as cooking and eating Traditional Foods. Jennifer believes that it is extremely important for moms to have a strong network of support and to that end has been active both in her local La Leche League and Attachment Parenting chapters.